SPEAKING.APP

Hello, my name is Denise Fay, and I’m afraid to ask for help. I read a quote recently that had a profound effect on me: “Asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness.” And because I’m someone who rarely asks, I decided to test that idea with a simple experiment. Here’s my problem: when I ask, I get a physical reaction. I stutter. I blush. I whisper the ask, and then I immediately try to take it back with, “It’s okay. It’s fine.” It sounds like this: “Could you do something for me… but it’s okay if you can’t.” I’ve wondered where that conditioning came from, and I keep coming back to school. I once asked a teacher, “How do you spell hippopotamus?” and she dismissively said, “Look it up in the dictionary.” That moment taught me to be self-sufficient and self-reliant, but also to feel embarrassed and less confident about asking. And I know I’m not alone. Just look at how much “self-help” is out there. I searched Amazon and found just under one million titles in the self-help category alone. So I chose to change my behavior instead of just thinking about it. For 31 days, I committed to asking for help every day. I picked 31 days because it’s said to take about 28 days to build a habit, and I wanted a few extra days as a buffer. And I tracked what happened. The headline result: I got an 85% success rate. That lines up with Stanford research that found about one out of two people are willing to help. So what did I actually get from asking? - Free, early access to a podcasting course - The ability to borrow very expensive equipment for that course - Case studies and testimonials I can use in my business this year - And most importantly, childcare for my two beautiful children, so I could log the miles for the marathon I’m running next month But the experiment wasn’t just wins. It had the good, the bad, and the ugly. The good: I asked a friend to review something I’d written. She did, and then some. She put in hours of extra effort, far more than I expected, and it was simply awesome. The bad: I emailed a colleague asking for help. I know he got the email, and I got no response. Nothing. Nada. None. And in the middle of the experiment, it shoved me right back into the agony of asking: “How am I going to do this? How am I going to face that person again?” It felt like two steps forward and twenty-three steps back. The ugly: some people said “yes” and still didn’t help. I can handle a clear “no.” I even got “no, but…” responses like, “No, but what about next week?” That’s honest. But when someone says, “Yeah, sure, no problem,” and then doesn’t follow through, I realized this: it’s better to be a “no-buter” than a “no inaction.” Honesty really is the best policy. So where am I now? I’m still Denise Fay, but I’m less afraid to ask for help. I’m still uncomfortable, but I’m working on it. And the biggest surprise is how this changed my view of people. I feel more connected to my friends, my family, and my network. I’m also actively looking for opportunities to help others and pay it forward. Because people are good. I asked the people who helped me, “How did you feel when I asked?” And they said they were happy to help. One person told me we should ask for help more often. Another said I was their good deed of the day. Two people said they felt honored that I asked, that it validated their expertise and increased their sense of self-worth. That stunned me, because I came from a place where asking for help “puts people out.” But in reality, many people felt good about being asked. And even if it only enriches someone’s life for one moment, isn’t life full of moments? I started this experiment as just me, one person, for 31 days. But it made me wonder: what if “wealth” in the future isn’t just an abundance of things, but an abundance of connections? One simple phrase can enrich both lives: the life of the person who asks, and the life of the person who helps. So ladies and gentlemen, you are my ask of today. If you’re a little bit like me, and asking makes you blush or stutter, try your own experiment. Just ask. Ask, and you will achieve. And as you do, remember the impact you might have on the person who gets to help. Thank you.