SPEAKING.APP

The human voice is the instrument we all play. It’s the most powerful sound in the world. It’s the only sound that can start a war, or say “I love you.” And yet a lot of people have the experience that when they speak, people don’t listen. Why is that? How do we speak powerfully enough to make change in the world? A big part of it is that we fall into habits that make people switch off. I’ve assembled seven deadly sins of speaking. It’s not exhaustive, but these are common, and they’re big. First, gossip. Speaking ill of somebody who’s not present. We all know that if someone is gossiping to us, they’ll probably gossip about us five minutes later. Second, judging. It’s very hard to listen to somebody if you know you’re being judged and found wanting at the same time. Third, negativity. My mother, in the last years of her life, became very negative. I remember one day I said, “It’s October the 1st today.” And she said, “I know. Isn’t it dreadful?” It’s hard to listen when somebody is that negative. A close cousin of that is complaining. This is the national art of the UK. It’s our national sport. We complain about the weather, about sport, about politics, about everything. But complaining is viral misery. It doesn’t spread sunshine and lightness in the world. Next, excuses. Some people have a blame thrower. They pass responsibility to everybody else. Again, hard to listen to. Sixth, embroidery, exaggeration. It demeans our language. If I see something that really is awesome, what do I call it? And exaggeration can slide into lying. We don’t want to listen to people we know are lying to us. And finally, dogmatism. Confusing facts with opinions. When those two get conflated, you’re listening into the wind. Someone is bombarding you with opinions as if they were true, and it’s difficult to listen to that. So those are seven habits to avoid. The stakes are simple. If we want our words to land, we need people to trust us, and to feel safe with us, and to feel that what we say has value. The good news is there’s a positive way to think about it. There are four cornerstones we can stand on if we want our speech to be powerful and to make change in the world. They even spell a word: HAIL. Not the stuff that falls from the sky and hits you on the head. This definition: to greet or acclaim enthusiastically. That’s how our words can be received if we build on these four things. H is honesty. Being true. Straight and clear. A is authenticity. Being yourself. A friend of mine calls it “standing in your own truth.” I is integrity. Being your word. Doing what you say. Being someone people can trust. And L is love. Not romantic love. Wishing people well. Because absolute honesty on its own can be unnecessary. “My goodness, you look ugly this morning.” Perhaps that’s not required. Honesty tempered with love is powerful. And if you’re genuinely wishing somebody well, it’s very hard to judge them at the same time. That’s what we say. But it’s also the way we say it. All of us have an amazing toolbox. This instrument is incredible. And yet it’s a toolbox that very few people have ever opened. So let’s rummage in it together and pull out a few tools you can take away and play with. One is register. Falsetto may not be useful most of the time, but you can locate your voice. If I speak up here in my nose, you can hear the difference. If I go down here in my throat, which is where many of us live most of the time, that’s one thing. But if you want weight, you go down here into the chest. You hear the difference? We vote for politicians with lower voices. It’s true. We associate depth with power and with authority. Then there’s timbre, the way your voice feels. Research shows we tend to prefer voices that are rich, smooth, warm, like hot chocolate. If that’s not you, it’s not the end of the world, because you can train. With breathing, with posture, and with exercises, you can improve the timbre of your voice. Then prosody. I love prosody. It’s the sing-song, the meta-language we use to carry meaning. It’s route one for meaning in conversation. People who speak on one note are hard to listen to. That’s where “monotone” comes from. And we also have that repetitive prosody habit where every sentence ends as if it’s a question, when it’s actually a statement. If you do that again and again, you restrict your ability to communicate meaning through prosody. It’s worth breaking. Pace matters too. I can get you excited by speaking quickly. Or I can slow right down to emphasize. And at the end of pace is our old friend silence. There’s nothing wrong with a bit of silence in a talk, is there? We don’t have to fill it. Silence can be very powerful. Pitch often goes along with pace to indicate arousal, but pitch can do meaning all on its own. “Where did you leave my keys?” “Where did you leave my keys?” Same words. Different meaning. And volume. I can get you excited by getting louder. Sorry if I startled anybody. Or I can make you really pay attention by getting very quiet. Some people broadcast the whole time. Try not to do that. That’s called sodcasting. Imposing your sound on people around you carelessly and inconsiderately. All of this matters most when the moment matters most. Standing on a stage and giving a talk. Proposing marriage. Asking for a raise. A wedding speech. Whatever it is, if it’s important, you owe it to yourself to use the toolbox well. And no engine works well without being warmed up. Warm up your voice. Let me show you a simple warm-up sequence I use before every talk. If you’re willing, stand up for a moment. Arms up. Deep breath in. Sigh it out. One more time. Now warm up the lips. Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. Now the lip buzz. Br, br, br. Like when you were a kid. Now the tongue, exaggerated la, la, la, la, la, la. Now roll an R. That’s like champagne for the tongue. And finally, if I can only do one, the pros call this the siren. It starts with “wee” and goes to “aw.” Wee, aw. Wee, aw. Give yourselves a round of applause. Take a seat. Next time you have to speak to somebody important, do those in advance. Now, to close, here’s the context. This is where we are now. We speak not very well, into people who simply aren’t listening, in environments full of noise and bad acoustics. What would the world be like if we were speaking powerfully to people who are listening consciously, in environments actually fit for purpose? And bigger than that, what would the world be like if we were creating sound consciously, consuming sound consciously, and designing all our environments consciously for sound? That would be a world that sounds beautiful, and one where understanding is the norm. That is an idea worth spreading. Thank you.