SPEAKING.APP

“Hey, loser. How do you like your new school uniform? I think it looks great on you.” Those were the words of my high school bully, Greg Amberfield. Now, before anyone asks, yes, I also had questions about the cleanliness of the “uniform” Greg chose. Mr. Contest Chair, fellow Toastmasters, and everyone watching worldwide, if you’re looking for the Calvin Klein label, stop staring. My eyes are up here. I was fourteen when Greg would corner me during recess and promise, step-by-step, what he was going to do to me: “I’m gonna get you outside. I’m gonna knock you in your teeth, punch you in the gut, and laugh at your sorry…” Well, you know. I cleaned it up because this is Toastmasters. And have you ever noticed bullies love to give you the full sequence ahead of time? Whenever I heard those words, my hands would tremble. Have you ever felt so fearful you couldn’t eat or sleep? By sixteen, Greg was six feet tall and weighed 240 pounds of what I can only describe as biological insulation. I tried everything. I tried buying him a cake, hoping he’d stop, only to end up with the cake on my face. I tried telling a teacher, only to have Greg torment me even more. I even tried Taekwondo and karate, only to break my wrist on a thin plank. Just as I was about to give up, my aunt gave me one simple line: “The way to deal with bullies is not to hide or run. The way to deal with bullies is to outsmart and outlast.” A light bulb went off. I thought, I can do that. And with whatever fourteen-year-old “genius” I had, I outsmarted and outlasted Greg. I changed schools. Years later, I met a bigger bully, a badder bully, a stronger bully. And this one, no matter what I did, I couldn’t get rid of. This bully echoed inside my head: “You’re a loser. You’ll never succeed.” My self-esteem got so damaged that some days I just wanted to stay in bed and not get up. Have you felt that way before? This bully knew my schedule perfectly. It stalked me twenty-four/seven. And I couldn’t run from it because this bully lives right here. The bully is inside me. My friends, as much as we try to deny it, we are often our toughest bullies. We beat ourselves up. We put ourselves down. Have you ever felt you weren’t good enough? I have. So let me ask you this. If five minutes of me standing here with my “underwear outside my pants” feels long, how long have you been wearing your invisible underwear outside your pants? How long have you permitted your inner bully to take charge of your life? I remembered my aunt’s advice, “outsmart and outlast,” but this time I couldn’t change neighborhoods. I couldn’t change my brain. I couldn’t run away. Something else had to change. That turning point came when I met another Toastmaster. His name was Greg Amberfield. Yes, that Greg. I was shocked. Since when did the Toastmasters logo change from “Where leaders are made” to “Where bullies are made”? But Greg is now a counselor, teaching teenagers how to combat bullies. Who knew? And he told me something I’ll never forget: “The best way to deal with inner bullies is not to run or hide. You can’t run away from the bully in here. The best way is to stand firm, face it, and acknowledge its presence. When you do that, you stop identifying with it. You step out and observe it. It’s like instead of being out there in the storm, you’re in the house watching the storm. Your inner bully will weaken and fade.” I remember thinking, Wow… that’s profound. How come you didn’t tell me when I was fourteen? My friends, I’m standing on this stage now, in front of thousands of you and many more watching worldwide, and I’m not afraid anymore. Not because I never hear the inner bully. But because I acknowledge it, I step out of it, I observe it, and I watch it weaken and fade. So let us all stop running away from our inner bullies. Let us face them, acknowledge their presence, and fight. Let us be vulnerable together as a family, supporting one another. Because we can all outsmart and outlast.